ONE LESS COWBOY

From Trails of Yesterday by John Bratt is the following excerpted paragraph:

"Here I am reminded of faithful Silas Sillasen and his brothers Jens and Andrew. The latter died at Birdwood ranch from drinking part of the contents of a bottle of carbolic acid which in the dark he mistook for a bottle of medicine. Everything was done to save his life by good Mrs. John Coker and others but without effect. He was given a cowboy funeral from the Lutheran Church in North Platte. His favorite cow pony, carrying his empty saddle, was led behind the hearse."

Rev. Adam Stump conducted the victim's funeral and his wife, Emma, sang a solo.

Click on photo for larger version of actual gravestone.

BEES, HELL

During the Civil War, my grandmother Emma Stumpf's father was proprietor of a hotel in Gettysburg. During the battle in July 1863, two of his young sons, Ephraim and Abraham Yount, decided to get a better look at the action. Climbing through a trapdoor to the roof, they were getting situated for a good view when Abraham said, "Listen to those bees. I hope we don't get bit." "Bees, hell", replied Ephraim, "Those are bullets! " And they both dove down into the hotel post haste.

GETAWAY

During the confusion wrought by shifting lines during the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863, a Union officer found himself in the Borough which was then in Rebel hands. Desperately wishing to get to his troops, he explained his predicament to a couple of loyal locals. It wasn't long before he was safely on his way and delivered to his command........as a barrel of flour!

MUSIC APPRECIATION

Somewhere it came to pass that under extreme pressure by Federal troops, the Confederate captain gave his orders. "Get that melodeon outside and put it in the barricade" he said. Having so little chance to enjoy such a diversion, the men pleaded with their captain not to destroy the instrument. "Well," he proposed, "if it can play 'Dixie", it may stay." And a pianist was found who quickly played the tune which proved to save their source of entertainment.

It was during a cold winter in the west central part of Pennsylvania. The small town served as a trade center for the surrounding farms and coal mines. The people of the community were suffering through the influenza epidemic in the year 1918.

A young boy had died. The local undertaker plied his trade and now the lad's body was laid out in his home. When my minister father arrived at the house to offer spiritual support to the family, he was approached by the teary-eyed mother. "Preacher, he looks so cold," she said, " I think he should have a sweater on."

With the warm piece of clothing in hand, my dad explained the family's unusual request to the undertaker. So to somewhat ease the sorrow in the heart of the distraught parent, the additional wrap was added to the youthful corpse. And as the neighbors trooped into this home on this bitterly frigid day, they were witnesses to an example of a mother's eternal love for her child.

WORDZ OF WIZDOM

Kernels gleaned in a 80-year walk across the fields of the Twentieth and Twenty-first Centuries

1. Never give a sucker an even break.

2. Grandma McCreight used to say life is like getting to a party late, and leaving before it's over!

3.When my minister father asked some of his lady parishioners how their health was. he sometimes got quite a description of the ills affecting the various parts of their bodies. His name for such a diatribe was 'an organ recital'.

4. Elementary teachers told us never to put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.

5.Military law states that as long as you preface your remarks with, "In my opinion..." you can call anyone a liar, a stupid jerk or any other deprecatory term and not have legal repercussions. I was never tempted to test this, especially with someone bigger than me.

6. A military axiom learned early: Never volunteer for anything! And don't forget the last clause in the list of duties you were assigned---"and such other duties as may be assigned!"

7. The only lucky rabbit's foot is still on the rabbit.

8. Of course at night you must never light your smokes 'three-on-a-match'. It gives your enemy across the way time to aim his gun at you.

9. In my work as a conservationist, I provided services to landowners such as the designing of ponds, the laying out of contour stripcropping or the establishing of tile drainage systems. Occasionally upon completion of the job, the farmer might ask if there was a charge or simply tried to offer money. Since I was a federal employee any acceptance of such gratuities was prohibited. I suppose my first supervisor was facing reality when he cautioned us to take anything but a check!

10. We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

11. "Keep the faith." As I was growing up, those words of my mother never really sunk in. Then, on December 24, 1944, I arrived in India as a radioman of a plane's crew. The next day (Christmas) we flew on across the country to the Tezgaon air base in the state of Bengal. We were in time for Christmas dinner. I picked up my mess tray and started past the line of native food servers. The first one greeted me with a broad smile and asked, "'I'm a Christian, what are you?" With the little aplomb I could gather as an astonished 19-year-old, I assured him that I was one, too. This Indian member of a tiny minority of Christians in this foreign land had challenged my belief. "Keep the faith."

12. It's a great life if you don't weaken.

13. Never drink liquor at a company Christmas party as you may say something that you mean.

14. A helpful Shakespeare quote-"Let me play the fool. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come."

15. If I get much uglier, it would only be civil to have a closed-casket viewing at my funeral.

16. Written on one of my birthday cards:"Life is short at best. Get out of life what you can and put in life what you can, it's a great game. Dad"

17. Luis Marden of the National Geographic once said, "One lifetime isn't enough. Just when you start to learn, it's time to go."

18. Latest advice: "Illegitimati; non carborundum" --translated to mean-- "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

19. When Fort Ligonier was pretty well reconstructed, I took the family to look it over. It was quite impressive. Then in the entrance building I noticed a bronze plaque on a wall which stated that the renovation project received no government funding. It was signed something like, "The Mellon and Scaife Foundations." I had to stifle a loud guffaw. With backing like that, who needs the government?

20. A car which you have bought, new or used, is not really yours until it gets a dent under your ownership.

21. The guy who wears a belt and suspenders at the same time must have been caught with his pants down.

22. Gravity can kill you, all by itself!

23. Advice to myself for my next life: Invest early in a paper company; humankind now can't live without it.

24. One can drown in an AVERAGE depth of water.

25. Sincerity is too often claimed as a virtue; hell, Hitler was sincere!

WORDZ OR THINGZ TO DESPIZ

1. Life Style
2. Happy Hour
3. Charge It
4. Stock Reduction Sale
5. "Adult" books
6. "Gaming" casino
7. "Step-up" (elevated) portions of restaurant floors
8. "Pre-owned automobiles"
9. Iced Coffee
10. Split-level houses
11. Peer pressure excuses
12. Wine snobs
13. Ad: The more you buy, the more you save!
14. Caller's first words to a radio talk show host="Thank you for taking my call."
15. "Substance" abuse
16. Lottery tickets used as a gift
17. Trite phrases of politicians like "hard-working, god-fearing Americans."

18. Multi-tasking. The only time that I multi-task is when I dream while sleeping.

Dad had been present at a meeting of bigwigs at the company where he worked as a young timekeeper. Following the meeting, Dad was the last to leave. When he reached for his hat, he found that someone had mistakenly taken his hat and the only one remaining was the big boss's. Meanwhile, when the boss returned to the main office a couple of miles away, he discovered that he had Dad's hat. He called in a huff to the shop office demanding that Dad bring his hat to the main office immediately.

Since it was quitting time, Dad told him he would return his hat to him on his rounds the next day. The big boss was infuriated. Dad then went to his shop foreman, explained the situation, and turned in his resignation. When Dad finally got to the main office next day, the big boss accused him of taking his hat. Dad told him the true facts in no uncertain terms. When advised that he was fired, Dad said that he couldn't be fired as he had already quit. As Dad was leaving after the exchange of hats, he paused at the door and said to the big boss, "And I'll tell you this: your hat has covered more brains in the last sixteen hours than it ever did before!"

Dad wasn't above telling a lie for a good cause. One evening along the Allegheny River he was returning towards camp with a nice catch of bass when he met a lady casting along the shore. When apprised that she hadn't caught a thing, he offered her his catch. She was delighted and readily accepted the offer. She told Dad that she was going to tell her husband that she had caught them. Later back at his camp, Dad could overhear the woman recounting her fishing exploits to her husband who was loudly and profanely denying the same. Dad went to sleep with echoes of the argument still resounding in the night air.

Next morning, Dad was on the river early and who should he meet but the ill-used husband. After discussing the weather, the water conditions and the fishing prospects for the day, Dad casually volunteered, pointing, "And you might have pretty good luck off that point of shore. Last night there was a lady fishing there who was landing bass as fast as she could get her line back in the water." The last Dad saw of the poor man, he was mumbling incomprehensible oaths to each pebble on the beach.